Transcendent Conversations

Last night, I went to a neighborhood bar with Rachel's husband, Brett, and met some of his friends. I had a mango cider, which was very delicious and on the house. I also got to do some research into my ever-evolving list of conversation topics that seem to span cultural barriers and don't necessarily require sophisticated or technical vocabulary. I apologize if this list seems stereotypical, especially when it comes to gender. There are also some topics that could be on other people's lists that don't work as well for me. For instance, in Tanzania (and to a lesser extent, other places) I felt like I would have had a lot more to talk about with people had I been more comfortable talking about religion, or had we shared a belief in god. I imagine having small children or an exhausting job is also good conversation fodder.

The List So Far
-The World Cup (more men then women, but I get a lot of mileage out of this one)
-Bad Breakups, Past Relationships and Current Crushes (more women)
-Pets (Japan)
-Friends and Seinfeld (seem to have achieved global popularity)
-Strange Things You Have Eaten or Drank (more men. My best is deep fried grasshoppers in Northwestern TZ)
-Things You Don't Like That Bush Has Done (I know there's an old rule about not discussing politics or religion with people you don't know well, but I think this one actually often makes people feel more comfortable. I'm also really bad at not talking about politics.)


This list is a lot shorter than I'd like it to be, but I figure it's an evolving project. I think the best way to interact with interesting people is always to ask a lot of questions, but sometimes I do that too much and part of building trust and friendship is having reciprocal conversations where both parties volunteer information.

Some of the topics above are just fun. Last night, the guy who owned the bar told us about a liquor with a snake inside of it. People drink the liquor and cook the snake. We then talked about tequila and worms. I also had a similarly light-hearted conversation with a bunch of women in the UAE about pranks we'd played on our siblings and had played on us.

My strategy for launching into more controversial topics is to wait for a lead in the conversation. For instance, if someone says something mildly against the war/the current administration, I'll say something to make it clear I'm not going to be offended. "I didn't support the war and worked for the Democrats, the opposition party, when I was in college. I think very few Americans support the war now. What do you think about..." If it's a perspective I don't agree with but want to hear more about, I'm torn between just asking a question and saying "I don't agree with that but would like to hear why you feel that way..." I usually settle for, "I've never heard that put quite that way before. What makes you feel that way?"

One subject that I've found very fruitful in the UAE, Greece, Tanzania and Japan is discussing what the roles of men and women should be like in the ideal society. Should women serve in combat? Should men take paternity leave? Should women with kids work? I like this subject because everyone is equally qualified to have an opinion and people often have varied opinions but the conversation doesn't usually devolve into personal attacks. I'm also almost always surprised by what is said.